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Summary
Summary
Depression is a havoc-wreaking illness that masquerades as personal failing and hijacks your life. After a major suicide attempt in her early twenties, Anna Mehler Paperny resolved to put her reporter's skills to use to get to know her enemy, setting off on a journey to understand her condition, the dizzying array of medical treatments on offer, and a medical profession in search of answers. Charting the way depression wrecks so many lives, she maps competing schools of therapy, pharmacology, cutting-edge medicine, the pill-popping pitfalls of long-term treatment, the glaring unknowns and the institutional shortcomings that both patients and practitioners are up against. She interviews leading medical experts across the US and Canada, from psychiatrists to neurologists, brain-mapping pioneers to family practitioners, and others dabbling in strange hypotheses--and shares compassionate conversations with fellow sufferers.
Hello I Want to Die Please Fix Me tracks Anna's quest for knowledge and her desire to get well. Impeccably reported, it is a profoundly compelling story about the human spirit and the myriad ways we treat (and fail to treat) the disease that accounts for more years swallowed up by disability than any other in the world.
If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, help is available. Contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255.
Author Notes
Anna Mehler Paperny is a Toronto-based reporter for Reuters. She's chased down stories ranging from the opioid crisis to migration, from post-quake Haiti to Guantanamo Bay. She has also been a staff reporter at The Globe and Mail and a reporter-editor for Global News, where she developed globalnews.ca's award-winning Investigative Data Desk. Her work on Canadian prison deaths won the RTDNA Dan McArthur Award for investigative journalism.
Reviews (2)
Publisher's Weekly Review
Journalist Mehler Paperny offers a startling and intimate portrait of her multiple attempts at suicide and digs into the disturbingly inadequate "toolbox" available to individuals suffering from acute depression. This memoir cum cultural study segues between the author's inexplicable obsession with killing herself (raised in a supportive family, she writes, her depression isn't connected to an experiential trigger) and a review of medications and other approaches available to those struggling with depression. Mehler Paperny's intense story begins in 2011 when, at 24, she ends up in the psych ward, having been discovered in her apartment after she drank antifreeze; her subsequent suicide attempts included asphyxiation and overdosing on pills. Due to depression's human, societal, and economic costs, she writes, it "affects everyone," and yet there is no overarching magic answer to this remarkably complex "shit sandwich of an illness," and she lists options for those suffering, such as pharmaceuticals, psychotherapy, and electroconvulsive therapy. Talking openly about suicide, she asserts, is crucial; and in doing so here, she herself inspires in her determination to "punch" back at her illness. This earnest and informative volume serves as a frank guide to those dealing with depression. (Apr.)
Kirkus Review
A Toronto-based Reuters journalist examines her struggles with depression within a larger narrative about mental health and its treatment.Paperny first tried to kill herself in 2011 by drinking antifreeze. Just 24 years old, the author seemed destined for success. She was writing for the Globe and Mail, her "dream newspaper," and had the love of a supportive family. However, a profound self-hatred continued to push toward self-annihilation for years after her first attempt. In this multipart memoir/depression expos, Paperny tells the story of how she fought her way back to functionality while exploring treatment options and the experiences of fellow depression sufferers within the North American mental health system. Firstand with a generous dose of sardonic humorthe author traces a journey to (relative) wellness that took her through several hospitals and crisis units. In the second section, she discusses the "fourteen different drugs in dozens of different combinations" she tried to combat her disease, none of which succeeded in completely eradicating her symptoms. She also examines other surgical options, such as electroconvulsive therapy and electrode implantation, and discusses the reasons why pharmaceutical companies have been reluctant to invest more in the development of new depression drugs. In the third part, Paperny explores the stigma associated with depression by presenting stories of men and women from a variety of backgrounds and how that stigma affected their lives. The author also looks at the way the mental health system is biased in favor of white and affluent patients and how rates of suicide have spiked among adolescents in the last decade. Paperny concludes with a brief section about the many troubling legal and ethical questions that can arisee.g., "deciding when someone's too crazy to make decisions"as a result of hospitalization. In this well-researched, engaging, and highly readable text, the author demystifies depression and calls for "compassionate, equitable [and] informed" care for what has become "the most fatal psychiatric phenomenon we're up against."An eye-opening and humane book treatment of a difficult subject. Copyright Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.
