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Material Type | Library | Call Number | Suggested Age | Status |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Book | Searching... Cabell County Public Library | 158.1 CON | Adult | Searching... Unknown |
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Summary
Summary
A guide to help readers uncover the subconscious reasons they hold themselves back along with an exploration of the ways negative childhood experiences have impacted their lives and fed into the problem.
We are sometimes our own worst enemies, sabotaging our success and with it our chance for lasting happiness and opportunities for personal and professional fulfillment. It's Not Your Fault helps readers uncover the subconscious reasons they hold themselves back. These blind spots were often created in childhood as coping mechanisms in response to trauma. Rather than teaching tactics that ignore or give surface attention to adverse childhood events, the book lovingly guides readers to explore the ways these events have impacted their lives and how this knowledge will help them access true transformation. Readers will be relieved to discover that it's not a lack of willpower that has held them back, but a lack of self-knowledge instead.
Those who have been let down by traditional therapeutic techniques know that behavior modification doesn't work for everyone. Simply doing things differently while staying the same on the inside might help for the short term, but before long old patterns emerge. Once they decide to get serious about change, however, and stop tweaking habits in the hope it will result in lasting transformation, they can create a life by design instead of default. It takes work, an internal excavation, and Laura comes alongside the reader as a trusted guide who has been where they are now. She provides the tools and anecdotal evidence to show them how to overcome the pain of self-sabotage and create the life they desire.
Author Notes
Laura K. Connell is a trauma-informed author and coach who helps her clients uncover blind sports that lead to relationship struggle and self-sabotage. She writes about healing dysfunctional family dynamics at her website laurakconnell.com. Her guest articles have reached millions through personal development websites Life Hack, Pick the Brain, Dumb Little Man, Thought Catalog, Highly Sensitive Refuge, the anthology Chicken Soup for the Soul, and national newspapers The Globe and Mail and Toronto Star. Her popular online retreats and courses have helped thousands to heal from the devastating impact of unmet childhood needs.
Reviews (1)
Library Journal Review
Trauma-informed life coach Connell hits on several trending topics, including blind spots, attachment styles, scapegoating, toxicity, and isolation in this guidebook for healing from self-sabotaging patterns. With advice about how to show up for oneself, build confidence, and strengthen relationships, Connell draws on work including Bessel van der Kolk's The Body Keeps the Score to explain how complex abuse, neglect, and PTSD become woven into individuals' identities--and what it means to begin to understand how the traumatized brain works. Some of her advice is commonsensical, almost to the point of feeling banal (minimize device time, eat a healthy diet, journal), yet she makes a compelling case that such basic habits often seem out of reach when people feel unworthy, unlovable, or worthless. By focusing on core behaviors, it's possible--she argues--to begin to unlearn those self-sabotaging patterns and behaviors. With research studies and clearly defined terms, including attachment styles, this book will help readers identify some of their own struggles so they're better able to either inch toward change or lean into their strengths, rather than feeling defined by perceived limits. VERDICT An affirming, compassionate approach to forging healthy relationships and fostering resiliency.--Emily Bowles
Table of Contents
| Acknowledgments | xiii |
| Preface | xv |
| Introduction | 1 |
| Chapter 1 Blind Spots | 5 |
| Chapter 2 Attachment Styles | 13 |
| Chapter 3 Family Scapegoating | 33 |
| Chapter 4 Boundaries | 49 |
| Chapter 5 Dealing with Toxic People | 59 |
| Chapter 6 Overcoming Negative Self-Talk | 73 |
| Chapter 7 Adopting Healthy Coping Mechanisms | 85 |
| Chapter 8 Learning to Relax | 105 |
| Chapter 9 Stopping Self-Imposed Isolation | 117 |
| Chapter 10 Healing Love Addiction | 131 |
| Chapter 11 Letting Go of Escape Fantasies | 143 |
| Chapter 12 Parenting Yourself | 153 |
| Chapter 13 Forgiving Yourself and Others | 165 |
| Chapter 14 Cleaning Out Your Closet | 177 |
| Notes | 195 |
| About The Author | 205 |
