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Material Type | Library | Call Number | Suggested Age | Status |
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Book | Searching... Cabell County Public Library | 362.76 DEI | Adult | Searching... Unknown |
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Summary
Summary
In the spirit of The Glass Castle and The Burning Light of Two Stars , Antonia Deignan delivers what New York Times best-selling author Julie Cantrell calls a "a heart-shattering memoir of painful truth and soulful healing."
As a child, Antonia perceived her father's nighttime visits as special acts of love. On some deeper level, though, she knew what was happening wasn't right. To escape, she began creating imaginary worlds and used dreams to transport her away from her fears. As she got older, Antonia traded those fantasies for dance--but despite her outlets she remained trapped underwater, without a lifeline to make her feel fundamentally safe.
For years, Antonia silently navigated the dark fathoms of her internalized pain, which manifested in myriad self-destructive habits: disordered eating, drug and alcohol abuse. Only decades later, while recovering from a serious bike accident, did she finally stop running and start reflecting--giving her the power to fully accept what had happened to her in her early life and ultimately forgive the unforgivable.
Raw and visceral yet gorgeously lyrical, Underwater Daughter masterfully conveys not only the rippling effects of childhood trauma but also the hope that with honesty and work, healing is possible.
Reviews (2)
Kirkus Review
An abuse survivor strives to come to terms with her difficult past in this debut memoir. "A lounge lizard lived in my home, posing as my brilliant and fumbly dumbly father," recalls Deignan; she goes on to say that he sexually abused her between the ages of 4 and 11. Her mother, she writes, was aware of the abuse but overlooked it. She also relates that she was raped by an adult lead performer while attending a children's theatre school. Her dance career flourished after leaving that institution, as she joined dance companies in Chicago and New York, but she also relied on sex and drugs to dull her emotional pain. After becoming a mother, Deignan says she strived for "safety and normalcy" for her children, but she often faced chaos in her personal life. A bicycle accident at age 55 led her to reassess her past trauma, including her damaging relationship with her parents. Deignan's writing style is courageously confessional and creatively descriptive; as she recalls finding her grandfather's Playboy collection as a young girl, she writes, "A centerfold. Pointy hips on the left and right, a waistline you could wear as a bracelet; I flipped and folded, flipped and folded." Readers may find some moments in this book uncomfortable, but they serve to highlight the author's complex emotions. At times, Deignan's approach is rhythmically poetic: "Every day, I got high, sniff snow dust flake, 'feeling the love' deep into my skull." This style adds another layer to the narrative, as the author delves deeply into her past experiences in search of understanding. Readers who have experienced similar trauma will relate to Deignan's unsteadying description of her own journey. An elegantly written and harrowing remembrance of the long-lasting impact of childhood trauma. Copyright (c) Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.
Library Journal Review
Deignan, a dancer and writer, reckons with the fallout of prolonged childhood sexual abuse by her father. It started when she was age four and lasted for seven years. Her ordeal was made all the more confusing by her mother's wordless acquiescence. The author is adept at chronicling the toll of internalized shame. When a trusted adult raped her when she was 14, she spun into years of bulimia, promiscuity, and substance abuse until she discovered dance. This enabled her to climb out of what she calls a "self-imposed darkness" and a "cage of hate." Marriage and motherhood provided ballast, at least temporarily. After a betrayal and painful divorce, Deignan struggled to balance a dancing career with single motherhood. She eventually remarried and expanded her family, and she also opened a dance studio. When she is sidelined by a bike accident, however, she is forced into a recovery that gives her the time and space to contemplate the scars her body carries, both physical and emotional. VERDICT This debut author's writing style, experimental and intimate, enables her to effectively put words to wounds that seem unspeakable. Memoir fans will find much to like in this one.--Barrie Olmstead
Table of Contents
Part 1 Arousal | 1 |
Part 2-a Courage | 61 |
Part 2-b 2.0 | 99 |
Part 3 Family | 157 |